Jornal Entry 4: Silly Puddy Night

Last Friday a friend and I went to a "party" at another friend's place. I hesitate to use the word party because it was truly more a gather of a few friends and the people who lived in the house we were at. none the less, we were at this party and one of the girls announces, "I have to go pee!" Immediately another girl steps up to go with her to the bathroom. To me this was an average occurrence, girls always went to the bathroom together. I never gave the encounter a second thought. Until one of the guys turned to me and asked, "Why do girls always have to go to the bathroom together?"\

Oh you poor boy

He sounded as though the thought of girls going to the bathroom in groups, or at least pairs, was the most ridiculous thing in the world. Naturally, we would turn to me, a girl, because of course, I would have all the answers. Did we think that it was necessary to be escorted to the restroom? Did we always need a buddy? Did we need help? Did we think random monsters were going to jump out of another stall or from behind the curtain and attack us? Actually, yes.

Girls travel in groups for safety, both mental and physical. Physically speaking, girls are simply more vulnerable than men. And this is not hating against women, or to say that we are not strong, but instead a simple fact. On average men are going to be stronger than a woman, that's just science, it doesn't matter how man oversized truck tires you flip or weights you lift at the gym. Especially if that girl is intoxicated and can barely walk in her four-inch heels. Unfortunately, to say, harassment is extremely common and ever-growing problem women have to defend themselves against. When men get drunk enough to make a move on a girl, they don't usually like taking no for an answer. And so we travel in packs because a guy is less likely to hit on us if our best friend is standing with us 5 seconds away from peeing all over her minidress.

Mentally speaking, girls are self-conscious creatures. We spend HOURS on our hair and makeup and choosing the right outfit for a night out. We all have a peak of hotness that we reach and most girls will strive for that on nights like these. However, a girl, like previously stated, is vulnerable when drunk. Ego is included with this. We all know that one girl who gets wasted and spends the whole night asking random people if she's pretty or not. Not a cute look. And so we need validation from our friends that we still look as good and we know we did when leaving the house. Bathroom breaks are used for many purposes, one of which being that it is a time to fix your hair, makeup, and adjust your outfit. We need friends with us to confirm that, "No Becky you can't even see the wine stain on that skirt", or "No Sophie your lipstick doesn't look like you just made out with 3 guys."

And so I had explained this to my confused friend. I watched as the lightbulb lit up over his drunken head, and I knew he understood. I couldn't help but start to chuckle to myself.

This poor, poor boy

Journal Entry 3: Mama Told Me Not to Talk to Strangers

You're not supposed to talk to strangers. I know this. You know this. Everyone knows this. It's one of the first lessons that a child is taught. Don't talk to strangers, listen to your parents, treat others as you want to be treated. These lessons have been pounded into our children's heads for centuries.

But I like to talk to strangers.

I find them fascinating. I find the whole interaction fascinating. When talking to strangers you can truly be whoever. I'm not saying that I go up to people on the street and strike up a conversation, but in line at the market or in a crowded room, on an elevator or online. When I know im never going to have to see this person ever again. I could be anyone, and somehow the interaction is a bit...freeing.

It doesn't matter what is going on in my personal life, or what crazy thoughts are running through my mind at the time. This person does not know me. I will never see this person again. I can control exactly what and how much they know about me and that thought is comforting.

There are no pressures when talking to a stranger. They know nothing about you so therefore expect nothing of you. They can't catch you in a lie the way your mom can and they can't immediately tell is something is wrong the way your befriend can.

Its a conversation between two people who have no idea who each other are and have no desire to reply any heartfelt confessions. Talking to strangers become so easy. They have no place to judge you, and even if they do then who cares because you don't know each other and there is no emotional involvement.

I love talking to strangers. and I believe that makes me quite strange.

I'm okay with it.

Journal Entry 2: Midlle School is NOT a Movie

Why is it that at the beginning of middle school I felt the need to have a journal. I was as if something in my adolescent brain suddenly switched on and screamed, 

I NEED A DIARY

I blame the movies. Every single girl I saw had some sort of diary or journal which she would quickly hide, after writing down her deepest and darkest secrets, under her mattress as a parent or sibling rudely barged through her bedroom door.

Why under the mattress, that seems like the most obvious hiding spot.

So I figured that after my fifth-grade graduation I was going to need somewhere to write down the deep and dark secrets that I was positive I was going to have in middle school. That's what kids in middle school did right? It was the place for awkward first kisses, and giggling by lockers (Because now we actually had a locker and obviously they were just used to stand next to and gossip), for football player crushes and hating teachers who gave out homework on a Friday. All of these important life-changing events that were sure to happen must be cataloged.

Unfortunately, there were so such events. don't get me wrong, there were still girls will crushes on football player (however for some reason basketball seemed to be the sport of choice at our school), and gossip by lockers and sometimes you could catch someone having their first kiss in the courtyard or an afterschool dance.

Where they would always cut out the cuss words of popular songs but the crowd of students were more than happy to help fill in-good memories

My middle school days were filled with drama. Friends going through depression, betrayal from others, first crushes, finding friends that would last me a lifetime, teachers breaking rulers over student desks, bees flying through classrooms because some idiot decided to leave the courtyard doors open, and my personal favorite, when the orchestra teacher threw a music stand across the room because one of the students was being a smartass. These events are a huge part of my life. Memories I wouldn't trade for anything, and a lot of those experiences shaped who I am today. Yet my diary sat there neglected, the only words scrawled in it being I HATE NOLAN in large, angry letters. Funny thing is, I can't even remember why I hated the kid.

It never crossed my mind to write down these events because well...I was there. I remember them clearly. I remember every moment of laughter and fun and sadness and despair as if it was yesterday. I can still picture the smirk on a friends face as he asked our teacher about her cats so she would launch into a rant and forget to give us homework yet again. I never felt the need to write down such things because I was too busy living them.

I come back to the idea that movies taught me that a girl needed a diary. Movies taught me that every special moment belongs on the pages of a pink, hardcover book that locked away every memory for safe keeping. Middle school came with a lot of good times and a lot of painful realizations, but I don't need a diary to remember them, because they are a part of me. Besides, in every movie, the girl's diary always gets out somehow and ends up creating larger than life problems. So maybe I never really needed a diary anyway...

Journal Entry 1: Spoons Changed My Life

This week consisted of my professor running across the room yelling about Frances Burney in a hoop skirt running from the King, and my professor shouting out "I'm out of spoons" when getting frustrated with people who don't exactly understand what it means to be an English major. Truthfully these events did not shock me, which in itself might be a little shocking. However, I found myself looking at my professor oddly, along with many others, at her mention of spoons. She, in turn, looked at us in an equally curious fashion and questioned, "You guys never heard of Spoon Theory?"

What the hell is Spoon Theory?

I couldn't help but chuckle to myself, not just because of the antics of my professor at 8 a.m., but because the sound of a spoon theory just seemed utterly ridiculous. And so we asked the fateful question, what is Spoon Theory. Turns out it actually makes some serious sense. Spoon Theory is an idea that is used to try and describe how some activities can be mentally or physically exhausting for people with mental disorders. Often times those without a disorder find it difficult to understand why those with a disorder find it so difficult to do things that seem normal. Let me give an example:

Imagine that you have an allotted number of spoons for the day (the spoons act like energy, both mental and physical), and for someone without a disorder it takes them one spoon to get out of bed, another to brush their teeth and shower, and another to eat breakfast before running out the door to class. But with someone who has, say, depression it could take them three spoons just to get out of bed in the morning. Already they are running out of spoons faster than someone who doesn't have to use three spoons to get out of bed.

The example that set off my professor before I finished my first cup of coffee was this: Imagine your having a conversation with someone who doesn't read very much and they as you what you have done today, as most polite people do, and you respond with "I read today". Followed immediately by their stereotypical response "Is that all?", usually accompanied by a small laugh.

Excuse me

Now, this is what frustrated me about this conversation, people do not understand how exhausting reading can be. And so here we apply Spoon Theory, reading is not a one spoon activity for most people. Especially an English major who is reading 18th Century British Literature, which by the way takes quite a few spoons. To this random person reading might consist of emails and waiting room magazine, which admittedly usually doesn't take too much effort, however that stereotypical, and frankly rude, response is one that had my professor explain to our class that just because it might take others fewer spoons to read something, or they think it is insignificant, doesn't change the fact that after reading my literature of choice...

 IM STILL OUT OF SPOONS

By the Fire and In the Market

There are several ways for people to communicate, especially with the development of technology.  There are two different main types of communication, communication with others and communication with one's self.  In "Writing as Self-Revelation", Luella B. Cook uses the scene of a fireplace and a market place to represent different kinds of communication. Sitting by the fireplace is described as a very intimate setting, a place where people come together with close family and friends. In this intimate setting one is more likely to share private details and emotions, especially when surrounded by people they trust and love.  In contrast to the Cook uses the picture of a market to describe a less personal form of communication. In the market, it is not customary to tell strangers our most personal details about our lives. Markets are a place for "politeness without intimacy, consideration that is appropriately impersonal" (pg. 247),  according to Cook. This comparison interests me because it can also be applied to the online and handwritten diary.
The handwritten diary can be equated to the fireplace scene. A handwritten diary has no intention of being read, it is a place for self-reflection and a safe space for a person's most honest thoughts. As Cook writes, this "fireplace" is a space where we can share "the uncensored expression of honest feeling...we can relax from the conformities, the conventions, and the pressures of business and social affairs,"(pg. 247). While online diaries can be seen as a sort of market place. A place that is public and people are meant to be seen, similarly online diaries are meant to be read. 

This differentiation between ways of communication is important to understanding others and oneself. A balance of understanding both these forms of thought can help a person understand where they are comfortable in expressing their emotions. Many people lean toward one side, introverts tend to keep their emotions more private. Extroverts are more expressive with their emotions and often open up to people easier in public situations such as a market or in public diaries. There are questions about which type of communication is more valuable in today's world. Both types are equally valuable. Cook writes that each is important and that it would be irresponsible to ignore any type of communication. We learn different things from each of these scenes, the fireplace and market, every part of which is important to understanding ourselves and our own modes of communication better as well as how to communicate with others better. Whether in a market or sitting around the fireplace with those we trust, making a connection to yourself and those around you is always important, no matter how small and insignificant that connection seems.

Works Cited:

Cook, Luella B. “Writing as Self-Revelation.” The English Journal, vol. 48, no. 5, 1959, pp. 247–253. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/809913.

Dangers of being a Goody-Two-Shoes

In schools, we are taught to live scheduled lives. Rules have been pounded into our head for years telling us exactly what will benefit our own lives in the future.  Over the years teachers have said that practice makes perfect, a common saying that most students will hear thousands of times throughout their academic career. This attitude can be applied to many things, such as math and sports however writing is different. To become a better writer it is important to not only do the task but to put effort into the task as well. This topic is explored in the excerpt "The Goody-Two-Shoes Nature". The author of the piece overall explains how detrimental it can be for a writer just to write for writing sake.  To write just because it is scheduled is not useful, and considered a waste of time.

The part of this excerpt that I find most interesting is the blatant contradiction to everything we are taught as students. To take a break or a significant amount of time off from writing would be frowned upon within most education systems. The author likens this to the attendance policy and the pride some have in having perfect attendance. A rigid schedule of attendance that does not allow for life's unpredictable moments leads to a robotic student, doing work but never learning.

The danger of following all these rules and adopting the "goody-two-shoes" persona is that you allow yourself to fall into a routine, leading to a life lived on autopilot. Great writing is born from life's unexpected moments, we have to allow ourselves to decompress and move away from this schedule that has been hammered into our heads. You cannot schedule a time to be creative, often times, and this is true for myself, there comes a period of time where you feel you have something to Say. When you feel that need to tell the world, or to get your thoughts onto paper, or to paint, that is the time when you should do so. Creative studies require more than just practice, they require effort and a great deal of thought.Things are not as black and white as we are lead to believe, life is the shades of grey in between.