Why is it that at the beginning of middle school I felt the need to have a journal. I was as if something in my adolescent brain suddenly switched on and screamed,
I NEED A DIARY
I blame the movies. Every single girl I saw had some sort of diary or journal which she would quickly hide, after writing down her deepest and darkest secrets, under her mattress as a parent or sibling rudely barged through her bedroom door.
Why under the mattress, that seems like the most obvious hiding spot.
So I figured that after my fifth-grade graduation I was going to need somewhere to write down the deep and dark secrets that I was positive I was going to have in middle school. That's what kids in middle school did right? It was the place for awkward first kisses, and giggling by lockers (Because now we actually had a locker and obviously they were just used to stand next to and gossip), for football player crushes and hating teachers who gave out homework on a Friday. All of these important life-changing events that were sure to happen must be cataloged.
Unfortunately, there were so such events. don't get me wrong, there were still girls will crushes on football player (however for some reason basketball seemed to be the sport of choice at our school), and gossip by lockers and sometimes you could catch someone having their first kiss in the courtyard or an afterschool dance.
Where they would always cut out the cuss words of popular songs but the crowd of students were more than happy to help fill in-good memories
My middle school days were filled with drama. Friends going through depression, betrayal from others, first crushes, finding friends that would last me a lifetime, teachers breaking rulers over student desks, bees flying through classrooms because some idiot decided to leave the courtyard doors open, and my personal favorite, when the orchestra teacher threw a music stand across the room because one of the students was being a smartass. These events are a huge part of my life. Memories I wouldn't trade for anything, and a lot of those experiences shaped who I am today. Yet my diary sat there neglected, the only words scrawled in it being I HATE NOLAN in large, angry letters. Funny thing is, I can't even remember why I hated the kid.
It never crossed my mind to write down these events because well...I was there. I remember them clearly. I remember every moment of laughter and fun and sadness and despair as if it was yesterday. I can still picture the smirk on a friends face as he asked our teacher about her cats so she would launch into a rant and forget to give us homework yet again. I never felt the need to write down such things because I was too busy living them.
I come back to the idea that movies taught me that a girl needed a diary. Movies taught me that every special moment belongs on the pages of a pink, hardcover book that locked away every memory for safe keeping. Middle school came with a lot of good times and a lot of painful realizations, but I don't need a diary to remember them, because they are a part of me. Besides, in every movie, the girl's diary always gets out somehow and ends up creating larger than life problems. So maybe I never really needed a diary anyway...
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